Joe Stryker

So, as many of you know, today is National Talk Like a Pirate Day . . .

oh, excuse me, I said that wrong, let me try that again–

Ahoy all ye mateys an’ me hearties, by the powers it be National Talk Like a Pirate Day! Now whether you be a scallywag or a sprog, yer mouth better be speakin pirate or this mullet’ll take the best of ya! An’ all those bonnie lasses that be in distress, I’ll be cruisin’ on me furner to rescue ye away!

But wait, you may ask, why is Joe Stryker talking like a pirate? Aren’t pirates foes to the Mullet?

Yes, it’s a known fact that they are. Robot or human, pirates will always try to loot and plunder my incredible handsomeness, irrestistable charm, and my flowing long locks of manliness. However, this is impossible, because all of these are locked in a portal that is in an mysterious time continuum trapped in the 1980’s.

However, you need to live by a code, and this advice is for all those little guys, you need to honor your enemy, kind of like the way of the samurai. The other part of the code is you always need to get the girl in the end, which pirates have never mastered.

So, today I got a call from one of my many adoring fans. Apparently she heard about one of my death-defying rescues. Or maybe she just sensed my manliness from afar.

In any case, she sounded quite gorgeous, and it’s always nice to hear from a lovely female fan. So, Hannah, I hope I can save you someday.